Pride in Marriage

This week I read about Principle 4 in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman, “Let Your Partner Influence You.”

In this chapter, Dr. Gottman encourages us to sacrifice in our relationships. In essence, he asks us to lower our pride and let our partner impact our decisions.

Gottman said, “The happiest, most stable marriages, in the long run, were those in which the husband did not resist sharing power and decision making with the wife. When the couple disagreed, these husbands actively searched for common ground rather than insisting on getting their way.”

Dr. Gottman points out that this problem is more common among men, but as a wife, I know it is hard to let my husband influence me sometimes. I often want to be right and I let my pride get in the way.

Ezra Taft Benson said, “The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: ‘Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.’ (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)”

How often do we pit ourselves against our spouses? How often are we more concerned about being right than solving the problem?

A big problem I have is that I often get easily offended when my husband questions me. I am very sensitive when it seems like he is questioning my intelligence. I often have a negative reaction when he does not agree with me and my pride gets in the way of letting him influence me.

For this next week, I am going to focus on my pride. Every time I find myself getting angry or frustrated with my husband, I am going to stop and think about how pride is factoring into my feelings. I hope to take a step back and check my pride so that my husband and I can have a disagreement that does not lead to anger and a fight.

When are you prideful in your marriage? Are you sensitive about certain things like me? Selfish? Unwilling to let your partner influence you? Take a moment to recognize the ways that pride is hurting your marriage and then make a plan. You can make a difference.

References

Benson, E. T. (n.d.). Beware of Pride. Retrieved November 6, 2019, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.