Emotional Bank Accounts

I read a couple more Chapters of Dr. Gottman’s book and you guys it is so good! The chapter that stuck out to me was the one on turning toward each other instead of away. A video from the Gottman Institute explains this concept well:

The video talks about building up your “emotional bank account.” I really like the metaphor of the bank account as it is something that works well for me (I really like numbers and math).

In his book, John Gottman encourages couples to literally keep a ledger of all of the good things their spouse does that help them turn toward one another. He said to give your spouse a point every time they do turn toward you and compare your lists.

Disclaimer: Be careful when you are comparing lists. Do not keep your list as leverage of all of the good things you do for your spouse, instead, this is a fun activity to help you realize how often your spouse turns toward you. It might be more than you think!

I have been doing this exercise for the past couple of days and, honestly, it's hard! It is hard to remember to look for those things and then write them down. I’ve had to set a reminder on my phone to keep it on my mind!

Though I am struggling to remember still, I am noticing more and more things that my husband does to turn toward me. One simple thing he does when we are both working on opposite sides of the room is he will look over at me (literally turn toward me) often to see how I am doing. Now that I have noticed that simple thing he does and all of the other ways he turns towards me, it has helped foster positive sentiment override in our relationship.

I also think that I am going to start tracking ways that I turn toward my spouse. I would like to see how often I do it out of habit and hopefully, make goals to turn toward him even more!

I encourage you to do this activity, either by yourself or with your spouse and see how it can improve your marriage!

I made some cute printables for you if you would like to use them to keep track of your relationship.

Click Here to Download 

I hope this activity can help you as much as it has helped me!